As some of you will know, many of my blogs recently have concentrated on the horrible things happening in my life. ‘Family’ have destroyed parts of my life, my work and taken up most of my time leaving me low and unwell. This past week I have realised how much time I have given to these problems. How much time I have allowed these people to steal from my life here on the farm. My life with my family who love me, in this beautiful place I call home. Life with friends who love me and a life that should have been happy, relaxed and enjoyable.
Last week I decided to de clutter my study, I burnt a lot, threw out a lot but my mind was still cluttered.The nasties from the past 3 years had taken their toll and I felt exhausted from too much thinking. Clearing cupboards, boxes and drawers should have left my study and my head clear for whatever life threw at me next. It didn’t work. My head was still full, still cluttered and so, having come across letters, cards and photos from the past, I continued with my memory boxes for my children, all of them to see if that helped. It didn’t.
This week, as I have said on social media, we had some bad news. News that has made me put my life in order, re evaluate the important things and wave goodbye to the unimportant things that have weighed heavilly on my mind. Daniel needs all of my love, my thoughts and especially my time, something that has been missing of late. He has stood by me through everything. When I met him I had just ended a lifetime of dependency and he came into my life and took it all on board. My past, my 2 daughters and my animals. He has been my rock. My strong dependable loving man. He has been there throughout all of the things I have been through and helped me through. He has been there on every happy time, every celebration and encouraged me with anything I chose to do. Through the horrors of Jade Wood, the nasties of my daughter and ‘sister’ and everything that was a blemish on ouir lives. He is always there. Now is my tiome to be there for him.
Thankfully he is not ill, well not in the sense of that word. He has cancer but no symptoms and we will know soon what he can do to either cure it or at least treat it.He wants life to continue as it always does, keep the normality and although that is hard, it is what he wants and so is what we will do.
As a child, my life was stolen from me as those of you who have read my books will know. As a child I had no choice. Now I do have a choice and I choose to push the rubbish in my every day, where it belongs, well and truly thrown out!
The real reason for this blog is to ask youall to look at your life. If there is an area that ‘gets in the way’ of what you want or need out of life, get rid of it. If someone takes up your precious time and is not worthy, send them on their way. It doesn’t matter if they are relatives or ‘friends’, don’t allow anyone to steal your time. Time is the most precious thing we have in life. None of us know how much we have left, we can’t gain more and each of us have only allotted years to live. I am not being depressing it is a fact. Do what is right for you and those you locve. Be with the people who want to be in your life. Be loving, kind and above all, be happy. Enjoy and don’t let anyone take any of that away from you.
So, have a great Bank holiday everyone, have fun and always tell those you love, how you feel.
Goodbye yesterday, I need all my strength to face whatever comes at us as a family, none to spare for what’s gone. I need to be the rock now. I will!
Thank you for reading x