Well what a few weeks I have had.
Just before Lucy’s wedding my youngest sister ,Anne and my eldest daughter, Melissa, tried very hard to ruin my writing career. They had done many things before, my youngest sister, a ‘nasty piece of work’ as my Nan would have said, has always disliked me. Not when she was a child but over the past adult years.People have said she was jealous of me and she did once say yes she was, of my intellect at least. Well I think her jealousy should have been about my honesty and integrity and nothing else. My eldest daughter though well that’s something different thing all together.
Over the years, Melissa has said how lucky she is to have a Mum like me, has told me how proud she was of me, of my writing my story, the courage that took. She thanked me over and over for doing the things that mums do willingly and those they struggle to do. We were very close most of her life.
She grew up knowing the truth about everything except the abuse. She knew a little but it wasn’t until I was publishing I DID TELL I DID that she knew the truth. She wasn’t able to read the childhood part of my story a she said it hurt too much.
A few years ago as a foster-mother, she had taken charge of a baby girl. She fell in love as we both did even though I had still to meet this baby, and went through the adoption process of which I was a big part. ‘I want you to be with me and share every part of this’ she wrote and I was more than happy. I was as excited as her at having tis baby part of our family. I had a house full of photos she sent me of this tiny new family member.
She had another foster child, a difficult traumatized little girl who was hard for Melissa to handle. She took a dislike to this child and did not hide that fact. I would hear her, when she was on the phone to me, taking to the little girl in a very unkind way, reminding me of how the woman they called my mother spoke to me. I know how words can hurt and how they can damage you. I mentioned this to her and told her that she had the chance, to make a difference in this child’s life. That although the little girl’s past had made her behavior very difficult, Melissa had the opportunity to make her ‘present’ better and that would help her heal. At first my daughter accepted what I said and we had agreed to disagree with how she handled situations involving the little girl.
I met with the adoption social worker after travelling for 2 and a half hours each way, renting a room to meet her and make my statement of support. A few days later, after Melissa telling me how she couldn’t stand having the other foster child near her, in the house,I told Melissa once again how I felt that this little girl might be better with another carer. She became cross and said she couldn’t let that happen as she needed the money she had for her, to enable the adoption to go through. I was disgusted and said that no child was a meal ticket and that this little girl should be placed with someone who could love her, as my daughter had said she didn’t even like her. This resulted in my being blocked on her social media, unfriended and nasty emails to and from her re what I had said. I was confused as we had been so close throughout the adoption process but she had now shut me out of her life.
The following day the statement of support came through, just as I had written it, saying how close we were as mother and daughter and as friends. How I would be her pivotal support in looking after the baby she was adopting and how I would be the first port of call for her if needed. It said we had a close loving relationship. None of this was now true and Melissa had made it clear she didn’t want me in her life. or that of her children.I didn’t feel I could sign this statement as it now wasn’t true. I contacted the adoption social worker , I didn’t tell her why this had happened ,I just asked if I didn’t sign would it affect the adoption as I didn’t want that. She assured me that it would not affect any part of the process, it just wouldn’t be used. I wrote to Melissa saying what a difficult position she had put me in, she knows how I value honesty and that I would never sign anything that was a lie. I told her it wouldn’t affect the adoption because the adoption team had told me it wouldn’t. It did not have any affect and she adopted her now daughter.
All of this is the ‘wrong’ . My honesty and integrity mean everything to me. Being brought up in a web of lies, I won’t tell anyone anything that is not true.
All of this led to Melissa showing me a side of her I am ashamed of. Telling lies about me, about her life and listening to the lies of her aunt Anne and ‘believing’ them. She has over the past years done a lot of things to hurt me but the latest is to telephone my publisher telling them that I named her on Facebook. This is a lie. She knows that and so do I and now so does my publisher because I have told them. She and Anne told them that I had identified them on Facebook when in fact they had done this themselves. As I have said before, ‘when evil and stupidity meet, you’re gonna get caught’. This resulted in my book I DID TELL I DID being taken off the market temporarily for legal reasons while they looked into the pros and cons.. Melissa would know what that meant to me. The pivotal moment in my adult life, apart from my children and marrying Daniel, was to be able to tell the truth as it was. Writing my story was very hard and made me revisit the horrors of my childhood. Not an easy task and she knew this. She has tried to hurt me many times, bad mouthing me to my grandchildren etc. I thought when she had sunk as low as she could when she was ‘befriended’ by my youngest sister Anne, after more than 40 years, and allowing this nasty woman to call my grandchildren, hers. Melissa wrote some horrible things, as some of you know, on my FB page on Mothers day. I am sad to have to accept that nature is stronger sometimes than nurture. Both my daughters were brought up the same and are so different. Melissa is so much like Anne and the woman they called my mother that it scares me.I thought she could do no more to hurt me but instigating the demise of my book is the lowest , I don’t think she could sink any lower.
So, yes I DID TELL is only on sale as a 2nd hand book but it will be back. Neither of these women can hurt me any more. They can’t touch my second book NOBODY TOLD ME, and will never hurt me again. I will make sure of that. I can take anything given to me but involve and hurt my family, well that’s another story. I have not been easy to live with since all of this began. We were planning Lucy’s wedding and this almost ruined that but I wouldn’t let it. I put it all to one side and then unfortunately I was very ill and things just stayed dormant. The nasty things these two ‘relatives’ have done had upset and worried the man I love and my other daughter. They have rendered me very ill and that has affected life here for all of us. So they have a lot to answer to .
I never mind anything anyone says about me as long as it is true. Lies I can’t tolerate.
So the reason for this blog is to explain why the book was taken down. The truth and not the lies.
But as I have said, it will be back. In the mean time, I want to thank everyone who has and is supporting me, by email, posts on social media, private messages and on Twitter. It means a lot guys.
Watch this space as I say often.xx
Cassie is back!