Today has been a good day. Yesterday was a very good day and tomorrow?? Who knows what that will bring.
I have decided that worrying about what hasn’t happened yet is a waste of time and energy. I have done a lot of that over the years. As a child, tomorrow on one hand, might just be the day God had listened. It might just be the day things get better and I would be safe. On the other hand, the nasty in my life might get even worse, but I always hoped. I worried, I was scared and sometimes terrified. It didn’t change a thing. But I always hoped.
As a Mum I was always worrying about my children, no matter how old they were, are. Still worry about all of them. Comes with the job. As a Mum, I worried about everything to do with my children. Were they happy? Did I do things right? What will happen to them when they grow up? How will they cope when I am no longer here. Etc. etc. None of my incessant worrying changed anything. As I used to sing to Melissa, ‘what will be will be’.
The past weeks have shown me, that no matter how much you love someone, how much time you give them. What you do for them and with them. How many times your actions are governed by their actions. Loyalty does not always come back to you. Nature is often stronger than Nurture.
I have made mistakes and I am the first to own that. When you become a Mum the baby doesn’t come with a manual, it is all learning as you go. All you can do, all I ever did was to try my best. To love them, keep them safe and make sacrifices that kept us together as a family. Do I regret any of that? A few weeks ago I might have said no. Now I am not so sure.
What a Mum doesn’t do, is all of the above, to have it thrown back in her face. Openly on social media. Cowardly, yes.
As some of you saw, over the past few months, I have been called names, lied about, threatened and openly maligned in every way.
Did it hurt? You bet. Was what was said, true? No it most certainly wasn’t. Did the threat scare me? No, because the person who threatened me is a coward. So No. I wasn’t scared but I was and am angry at this evil being.
Will it affect how I am and what I do? A most definite No. The hurt will take time to heal and it has made me ill. The lack of respect was almost expected after happenings of the past few years. The betrayal? Well that will take much longer.
I have begun to think that a certain person, a much loved, much missed close friend who has sadly died, was right. She said some people re write history when they don’t like the way their history has panned out. I believe that now. Rewriting history to suit today often happens, some people are very good at it. I see that now.
The one thing I pride myself on is my honesty. My sense and belief in truth. I will not lose that. I also have a very good memory and I don’t need to rewrite history, even though I wish, on many occasions, that I could.
If I could choose something to give to the next generation it would be a combination of practicing the following.
Love for those around you, especially family.
Respect for others and their property both intellectually and materialistically.
Honesty in everything they do and say and never to betray those who gave you life and loved you throughout, no matter what you threw at them.
Tall orders I know. Things that people sometimes forget to keep in place. The world would be a much better place if everyone did.
Today’s blog has been written on a personal note because of the happenings since and including Mother’s Day. Many readers have messaged me, emailed me etc. and asked if I was okay. This is to assure them that I will be.
I haven’t written a blog for some time. Putting thoughts on paper is something I ask clients to do, to release them and I am in need of that today. Please bear with me.
Life is up and down at this moment in time. But I will focus on the ‘ups’. The wedding plans are almost finalized. The dresses are all ready, including my beautiful outfit. And yes, a big hat!!!The suits and Kilts are all organized for the groom and best-man and ushers. We will finish the flowers next week. The cake is almost ready and the hotel and reception is all planned to the last detail. Daniel is looking forward to proudly taking our daughter Lucy down the aisle and making his ‘speech. I am reading a poem at the service, bit nervous about that and it will be the greatest of days. I will make sure of that.
And the sun is out.
I am going to get back to writing after the wedding but for now it is all on hold.
So today I am reverting to one emotion that I used all of my childhood. Hope.
I hope things will settle down now.
I hope I can get back to being the person I was becoming proud of.
I hope I can find it in my heart to forgive those trying their best to hurt me.
I’ll get back to you on that one.
Thank you for reading.