Reflection: Removing the power!

2015 has been a year for reflecting. The few years previous had seen me entrenched in the horrors of a hoax. Losing a sister, a baby that would have been my grandchild and becoming estranged from my eldest daughter at her children. At first I stayed in touch with my eldest grandson and but this has since been stopped. I have lost 2 close friends, worried constantly about the health of my son and suffered poor health myself. The reasons for the estrangement are simple, I wouldn’t lie for Melissa. Telling the truth is  something I pride myself on after growing up in a web of lies. Those around me, all of my adult life, know how it was for me then . Those who knew me as a child, always suspected something. My half brothers, the sons of my abuser, knew what he was like but had no way of knowing what he did to me. I have learned such a lot about this evil man since I wrote I DID TELL. I am fortunate now, to have these family members as my brothers and their families as my family.

In the years that followed Melissa’s birth, the happiest of my life up until that point, she has always known about Jack. She knew my ‘mother’ and William, my Dad and also knew how nasty ‘Mum’ had been to me. She never knew Anne as she wasn’t part of our lives, after Melissa was around 8 years old,thankfully. She did know Ellen and Rosie and Tom. Both of my girls were so proud when I wrote my story, they supported me and were so pleased when it led to what I had always wanted, the opportunity to help other victims.

Late in this current year, unknown to me, Anne had entered Melissa’s life, around the time we became estranged, and had fed my daughter unbelievable lies. These were written and posted on here and on my Facebook page. Cowardly, both had blocked  me to prevent me replying. I felt betrayed by my daughter and surprised that even someone like Anne could tell such stupid, damaging lies. The reason I am writing this on here again is to make a very valid point.

I always believed that unconditional love went two ways. The most important kind was mother to child. I wasn’t given that by the woman they called my mother but all of her life, I loved her, hoping she would eventually love me. She didn’t. Looking back at what she did give me, harm, trauma, feelings of helplessness etc, the little girl who was Cassie had no reason to afford this woman any kind of love.

I gave my daughters unconditional love. I forgave Melissa so many times, including when she didn’t tell me she was getting married, even though I was with her the day before it happened. Many many times when she stabbed me in the back, I forgave her. This is what I thought unconditional love to be.

I have recently realised and understood, after talking to someone close, that unconditional love does not mean you have to like the person. It doesn’t mean we have to allow them to treat us in such a way that hurts us unbearably.  When our children are small, we would never say we don’t love them, but whilst teaching them things, right from wrong, we would say, we don’t like what they do. That does not affect our ability to love them. Sometimes, people hurt us in a way that love is out of the question. How many times do we put up with the actions of family that we would never accept from anyone else. Just because we are related?? I now, don’t think this is right. When children grow into adults, they are responsible for their actions. Yes the life before has obviously influenced them, but if they become people we would not like outside of our family, why oh why, should we allow them to treat us in a way that hurts so much? Loving people, gives them the power and ability to hurt us. Today I am removing that power as It has made me ill.

So, going forward into 2016, I am not going to allow anyone to cause me the pain I have suffered in 2015. If people tell lies about me, I expect them to back them up with facts. If they tell stories that are untrue, they must back them up with the facts again. If remarks are made to hurt me, let them be brave enough to allow me to reply. If they cannot do any of this, I politely ask them to stay off my social media. Please. Everything Anne has posted on Melissa’s pages, is to hurt me, to get to me. I say to her, don’t bother anymore . I don’t see these posts, as I am blocked, cowardly act of people who know themselves to be in the wrong. But I am told about them, even though I ask not to be. Only people you care about can hurt you. I no longer care. But above all, I will not allow myself to become like them. I don’t wish them ill. I don’t wish them anything. I will not forgive Anne but will never allow the actions of her or anyone else cause me the kind of pain they have done this past year.

The good in 2015.

We began to plan Lucy’s wedding, the date creeping very close now. Dresses all here, flowers all arranged and the day will be wonderful, I will make sure of that. Christmas day this year was difficult as I had been so ill and everyone here had this nasty bug in the run up to the big day. But it turned out to be one of the best in my life, pushing aside all the illness and nasties. I had a call from Jack and spoke to his daughter, my granddaughter. Made my day and will savour the memory of  that call.

So I take this opportunity to thank all my loyal readers, friends and family for their support and love throughout the year almost ended and wish you all every happiness in the year ahead.

Remember, if you can’t say anything nice about anyone or to anyone, don’t say anything at all. Be nice to each other, love those around you because tomorrow is never promised.

Happy New Year to you all, with thanks. xx

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