Porn versus Child Sexual Abuse/And this past week.

Over the past few months I have become very angry at the media use of the word Porn, in relation to Child Sexual Abuse. The definition of  Pornography goes like this:

: movies, pictures, magazines, etc., that show or describe naked people or sex in a very open and direct way in order to cause sexual excitement’
This implies that the photos or images, video or film is between consenting ‘people’. Adults. No where does it say it is about children. CSA is never consensual, never done willingly by a child. Abuse is against the child. Sometimes with physical force, sometimes with threats so that the child is terrified,. Sometimes, in the early days of abuse, the child might fight, try to get away but very soon she will just accept that this is happening to her and there is nothing that can be done to stop her abuser. It might seem, to people watching the ‘ordinary’ every day relationship between the child and her abuser flourish, it might seem and  appear that the child is willing to go out with the perpetrator of the crimes against her. It might seem that he loves her where no one else in the world loves her. But. The child is never a willing partner in this wicked and criminal relationship. Child Sexual Abuse is evil, criminal, damaging beyond description and can affect the child involveds life for the rest of her days.
Do Porn stars suffer in this way? Do the makers of the films suffer or get prosecuted? No.Almost every porn film made, I would think, is made and watched for sexual gratification. That is the only similarity between Porn and Child Sexual Abuse. Man’s selfish desire to gain sexual enjoyment at any cost.
Sexually explicit images of children are wrong in every single way. The child will suffer indignities, pain, humiliations and fear like no other whilst they are being made. Every time someone views these images, that innocent child is abused all over again.
So. I make a request. Can the Media please stop using the expression CHILD PORN. please? Can you, those reading this post, please comment every-time it is mentioned on social media and anywhere else, remind the writer of the difference between Child Sexual Abuse images and Pornography. Thank you.
Now to This past Week.
As regular readers will know, the past weeks have brought the nastiest evil comments from my younger sister Anne and my eldest daughter,Melissa. With every message, email, and comment, I can hear my mother in the words. The threat to me I don’t take seriously because they are just that, threats. But the threats to tell their lies to my son, I do take seriously.
Today I have read many many letters from Melissa over the years, especially ones she sent to me when Jack came back into our lives. A loving letter, a letter that says how she had always known the pain I had suffered since losing her brother. She understood the use of medication and how that, over the years, although I had tried to break free from the medication, my memories of abuse and the loss of Jack, sent me into despair and depression.A few years ago, we sat and talked in her cottage about that horrible time. If you have read my book, I DID TELL you will remember this.
I had asked my neighbor to look after Melissa when I knew the Social worker was coming to take Jack. I had collapsed the evening we took him home, I had fed both of my children, bathed them and put them to bed. Melissa’s dad had called round to see if I was okay. I thought I was but after they were both asleep I had one of the worst panic attacks I had ever had. I had stopped the pills to be able to look after them both and panic was never far away but I was determined to be free of them and enjoy my precious little  girl and baby boy. Suddenly, the panic took hold and  I was in bits. My neighbor heard me and called the doctor and it was decided that I was in no fit state to care for them. Hearing these people, in my home, discuss my children’s future with no imput from me, was unbearable. I couldn’t stand up, I was feeling sick, shaking, all I now know to be withdrawal from the medication.That was when I was given the ultimatum, the choice that was no choice. Either they both go into care or I let Jack go to a lovely home, for adoption and that way I could keep Melissa. She was 3 years old, she had been my life, my blessing. Jack had been with foster parents for the first 6 weeks of his life and thrived . I had covertly found out where he was and went to see him.The foster mum said she knew he should be with me and helped me get him home. But on that night, after the children were fast asleep, the panic had taken hold and I had fallen apart. I had no support, my mother as usual didn’t want to know and so there was no one. When they came for Jack 2 weeks later. Two horrendous long weeks I looked after him, all the time knowing they were coming to take him away; rock bottom had nothing in comparison. I could hardly stand, I couldn’t take him out of his pram and so they had to carry my precious baby boy out of the bungalow and then give him to me, place him in my arms. I had to physically hand him over, the law I was told. I couldn’t do it. I was sobbing and holding on to him but the Social Worker and my Health visitor physically took him out of my arms and placed him the carry cot, in the Volvo estate and one of them drove away. I was in bits having collapsed in the road, in the spot where the car had been. Melissa witnessed all of this ,something I didn’t know at the time and later in her life, when I realised  she had seen what had happened, I believed that it traumatized her. I also now believe she has punished me on and off for letting her brother go. As she got older, became a Mum we talked about this time often and she would cry with me, saying she understood. Did she? I don’t think so. But now, all these years after, at a time when she and I had fallen out,she has rewritten history to fit in and please her Aunt. The lies she is now telling are beyond evil and wicked and are being fed to her by Anne. My problem is this. Melissa  knows the truth, I was there, SHE was there. Anne wasn’t. How can she forget the truth?
Our past will always come back and haunt us but sometimes we  don’t actually place our history where it belongs, in the past. So that makes it easy for others to inflict pain and hurt. It isn’t a matter of ‘holding on to the past’, I would gladly forget a lot of it . It’s more about others pushing the past back into our lives and it holding on to us, with their help.
So the past few weeks are weeks I would like to forget. This next week, the whole week is going to be special for me. I am beginning a course on Tuesday to be a support to new families and Looked after children, so that will be good.  Lots to celebrate and I will not dwell on the past 2 weeks but look ahead to the next.
We can only hurt if we allow others to hurt us. I will remember that.
Thank you for reading. Bye until the next time xx
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One thought on “Porn versus Child Sexual Abuse/And this past week.

  1. CSA is a topic that people shy away from because it shows how sick people in our country can be. Porn is a thrown around word because people can accept the topic better.Thank you for using your platform to educate others. Great information

    Liked by 1 person

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