I was hoping today to write a positive blog but things have happened and I don’t feel as good or positive as I did earlier today.
Easter has been good and happy except for one thing. I will tell you about that ‘thing’ in a moment. We have moved Lucy into her new home with her partner and the cats and she is very happy. That makes me happy. The weather has been glorious, warm sunshine and bright blue skies, couldn’t ask for more. I have today taken things easy as I am still unwell. Just watched the ducks and geese looking for nesting places, the birds stripping the old Pampas grass for nesting materials and just being here ‘on the farm’.
As my regular readers will know, a few years ago, I was contacted by Jade Louise Wood, asking for help. She told me she was being sexually abused and beaten by her ‘step father’. I believed her, had no reason not to as this had happened a few times before, readers would write to me for help and I signposted then onto those who could help.
This email was the beginning of the cruelest period of my adult life. I gave this young woman everything I had, emotionally and psychologically for 6 solid months. 24/7. I did nothing else, was always there for her when needed. It almost destroyed me. Reading the depraved stories of explicit sexual deviancy and abuse that she sent me, was horrific and began to bring back nightmares and flashbacks of my own abuse. None of what she told me was true.
Jade Wood not only stole my confidence in myself but destroyed something I had worked years to achieve. The ability to trust. Since then I have been very wary, I have to be, to protect myself. I check out new Friend requests, check out their friends. Because I have had a few French readers this past week or two, this young girl was French so I thought she was genuine. She might be genuine!
On Friday I received a private message on Facebook, a young woman poured out this horrific story, first time I had heard of her. She begged for help and I wrote back. It always hurts reading of another’s suffering, especially when I can identify with them. This said, I never mind anyone writing if it helps them. There is never much I can do from here but to listen and point her in the right direction. This I did. She wrote back, again saying that only death could release her. This worried me, scared me. As you know, a young reader to whom I felt very close, committed suicide a few years ago. She had tried desperately to contact me but I was away at a family funeral. I will never forget her messages of anguish, asking to speak with me that I didn’t get until it was too late. I will always feel bad about this and so find it hard to ignore cries of help.
For the past few days I have worried about this young girl who messaged me on Good Friday. Today, going on my Facebook page, I saw photos of her having a great time with a friend. Now I know people who are low, people who suffer depression can fool others, can appear okay. But not usually when they are as low as I believed this young girl to be. Suicidal I thought. Maybe trusting wasn’t a good thing I told myself. I have only recently been able to accept new FB friends, since the Jade Wood saga. I didn’t know quite what to do so I wrote a post on my Timeline, hoping she would read it. She did and was very angry that I was calling her a liar. I wasn’t of course. I just found it disturbing that someone could write to me and say she wanted to die and death was her only release and then see her making selfies on Facebook.
She wrote straight away telling me off in a way. If I have been wrong, if she is genuine, I hope she finds the help she needs. I have tried to reply to her but I think she must have unfriended me!
However, if she is indeed a phoney, someone who just wanted to upset me or worse, Then I feel sorry for her in a way. Sorry that she felt she needed to go to such lengths as this to have me reply.
So my dilemma is, to believe or not to believe?
Jade Wood came into my life, destroyed things in me, continued with her horrendous lies for 6 months even though I tried very hard to break away. She didn’t tell one lie for attention. She told outrageous sickening stories to have me believe she was in grave danger for the whole of the 2nd part of 2012.More than 7000 emails, plus many Facebook messages and phone-calls and texts. I don’t ever want to go there again.
So I am sorry if this young woman is genuine, if she is I really hope she finds the help she needs. I can be trusted to do what I can, to keep the stories told to me, to myself but I don’t want to be lied to or party to someone’s depraved sense of unreality.
If you read this, I am sorry if you really are being hurt as you said you were. Please seek help.
If none of it is true, I feel great sympathy for you, nothing good will come of it.
I won’t let this stop me from helping others, it has just made me a bit more aware of the dangers on here. Thanks for reading xxx