Every day, either on the Internet or in the papers, on the television or the radio, we hear of stories of sexual abuse of children. Some historic, some current, all nasty and shocking to hear or read about. This wicked crime has always happened, will always happen to one degree or another. We read of books coming out, with accounts of life story events that would once have been very hard to believe for some people, but today the proof is there for all to see, the truth has been told many many times in autobiographies that should shame us as human beings. There are various news stories, here and abroad, telling of how children have lived their entire lives in fear, being raped, abused, tortured and sometimes starved. This, as I said has always happened. I have read that some people are ‘getting fed up’ with stories of abuse over and over on Social Media. The abuse has always happened. We didn’t know about it before these victims felt able to speak of their horrors , Social Media is sometimes the only place they can tell the world of their pain. It is like shouting it to the rooftops, telling the world, but remaining in control by sometimes using another name. This gives the victim a platform and the strength to release some of the pain and fear they may have endured for years but keeping control. Something they have possibly never had before, control of their lives. Before the Internet, before these sufferers felt able to tell, the abuse always happened behind closed doors.
We are the only species who use sex as a weapon of fear or to exploit our own sometimes deviant pursuits. Yes, we should be ashamed. I don’t believe Sexual abuse is on the increase as some believe, I believe that it is because some spoke out, in books of their life story, I count myself in this number, others have realised they are not alone. They have also realised that what happened to them as children, was wrong and not their responsibility. Because the affects of sexual and other kinds of abuse in children, can last a lifetime, I am hoping that victims will continue to come forward and begin their journey to becoming survivors. I wrote I DID TELL to hopefully encourage others, inspire other sufferers and to enlighten those who hadn’t been abused. I am hoping that I and others who have told, were right in telling it as it was. No holds barred.
People have asked, ;’why now?’ when someone comes forward after many years. Why didn’t they tell when it began? Why didn’t they do something or tell someone and have it stopped? Why didn’t others in the family say something? I will tell you why to all of these questions.
The first 3 questions.
As a child with no power or control, the abuser will scare you and make you feel guilty. Make you feel ashamed and make threats to your safety or the welfare of your family. Mine did all of these. Maybe as me, you will tell and you are not believed or listened to, you never tell again. You become too scared to tell anyone and live the life you believe you have no choice in.
The perpetrator will have groomed his victim, making them feel safe and sometimes loved, making it confusing and very hard for the victim to try and stop it. Sometimes, in the beginning because of the ‘kindness’ shown to the child, they don’t understand or realise that what is happening is wrong.
Why didn’t family members say or do something?
They wouldn’t have known. Paedophiles are very cunny and clever, they will groom a child and make the world believe the relationship between them and the child is a loving one. Sometimes, the child has no love, as in my case, the perpetrator will shower love on them, in the beginning. By the time the child realises that it isn’t ‘love’, it is too late. He has his hold over you and there is no way out. Family members would not have known what was going on in their own family, the abuser making sure they didn’t.
It is never easy telling others what you went through. I see many clients in therapy who have suffered abuse to one extent or another. Telling me is hard, telling others is easier after processing their abuse, their pain in therapy and finding support to take it further. Some take it to the police, some just want to confront the abuser or tell their relatives and friends. Some just want to release it from their minds, make some sense of it and lose the feelings of shame and guilt.I always make sure of their support network before embarking on this journey with them, from victim to survivor.
When a so called ‘celeb’ is charged, and I mean charged, tried and found guilty. Yes lock them up but I really wish the media wouldn’t keep plastering their photos over news reports, on TV, magazines or the Internet. Some of these perverts thrive on publicity and as the saying goes, ‘there is no such thing as bad publicity’. STOP TALKING ABOUT THEM. We don’t want constant reminders of what they have done. Don’t give them the time of day. Don’t keep bringing them into our homes we don’t want it!!
Where some people as I said, are finding the coverage of these awful stories too much and I read last week that someone actually said it would make things worse keep talking about such crimes. I don’t agree.How could it ever be worse for the victim??
My hope is that having all this media coverage, will make these evil perverts, women included because they are not always men, I am ashamed to say, perhaps it will make them think it is not such an easy crime. Children know more now. They are more aware of everything. We have organisations trying to teach our children body awareness, in schools, something parents could, and some already do, at home. We have others who, realising that it is not stranger danger we need to teach our children on it’s own but inappropriate touching by ANYONE. Make them feel safe enough to tell if anything upsets them. Let them know they will be listened to and believed. Encourage victims to tell their stories in any way they feel able to. Make the punishment for child abuse of any kind much more severe than it is already. The more open we are, the more aware we are and the more we talk about it freely, the less chance the offender has in carrying out this evil crime.
So yes, keep it in the media, but only when someone is found guilty. Make it okay to discuss these things with anyone who needs to talk about it, including our children. Let’s take the taboo out of talking about a nasty, wicked crime against our kids and make it harder for the crimes to happen in the first place.
There is another guilty party here, the person who cries rape and it is lying. The ones who say they have suffered child abuse and they haven’t. The Jade Wood’s of this world. Let’s take them to task, take them to court and punish them. They belittle the real sufferers.They are the reason in the past that many victims have not been believed. I spoke with an officer during the time Jade Wood was arrested and convicted and he said it can happen. He said if you have dealt with a liar who was convincing, like Wood, and investigated the case to find out it was all untrue, the next person who tells you of being abused or raped, leaves elements of doubt in your mind. We can’t let these people get away with this. Lying that you have been raped or/and abused should in itself, be a crime.
Back to today and my news. Well I DID TELL is still selling, still looking for a buyer for NOBODY TOLD ME.
I am working on T.F.B.T.S and a handbook for survivors so busy here on the farm. I hope you are all well and please leave a comment if you wish. Bye x