I think the word to begin this is Wow! The end of another year where the Wow began as a good one. This time last year, Lucy was engaged and we were planning the wedding. Excitement and happiness. She was living in a lovely old farmhouse and all her dreams seemed to have come true. A very happy ‘happy’ after the year before. During 2013 she had been very ill and undergone treatment for a very rare illness , I had ‘lost’ my eldest daughter and so my grandsons because I couldn’t back her up in her lies, in a very important matter. Anyone on here who knows me will understand, that growing up in a web of lies, makes it very important that I don’t tell lies. I suppose looking back, I could have pretended that what was being said was true, but the pain of something she did made this impossible. I had to accept that sometimes keeping your integrity has very painful outcomes. Here on the farm,we also had lost a pony which made us all very sad and I was still very unwell recovering from the nasty of 2012. The year of 2014 began with the wonderful news that Lucy was pregnant. Everything in our lives seemed so much better. Such a lot to look forward to .We made plans, I hadn’t worked since the ‘hoax’, I had lost my confidence having been ‘taken in’ in such a cruel way, so I decided to retire and help look after my grandchild, then we were to move somewhere much smaller and Lucy and her partner would have all the horses live with them. So a very exciting time. Then wallop,the wedding plans were put on hold when Lucy became ill with Hyperemesis and was hospitalized and her partner showed his hand. Things went downhill and sadly and heartbreakingly, she lost the baby. Nothing was the same. Hope had gone and so had the ‘happy’.
All the plans made were dashed and I was lower than I had been for years. My mind kept going to what could have been, how life was going to be changed but better than it had been for a long while. But now, this wasn’t to be.
I threw myself into my writing. The horrors of Jade Wood had stayed with me and I was still unable to do my work. I had done no Psychotherapy for the whole of 2013, still reeling from that horrible time. I made a decision to get ‘sorted’ and go back to work with clients. In the mean time I concentrated on NOBODY TOLD ME and THE FACE BEHIND THE SCREEN.
From the March, when the baby was lost, I have suffered from many illnesses and my health has taken a bludgeoning. My GP said it was down the stresses of the year before. Just as I thought things couldn’t get any worse,in April, I was shocked one day to open my email and see a photo of the perpetrator of the crime against me. She had sent me a Facebook friend request! I went cold. My daughter was in my study with me and said I went very pale. I had thought myself safe from her because she has a 10 year restraining order against her. I did nothing for a few days then told my husband and he said I had to report it. I did this but she lied her way out of this. I no longer felt safe and at first felt again betrayed, this time by the legal system but that didn’t last long. What it did was to renew my passion for telling the story of what she did, to prevent anyone else going through such horror and pain. As it became clear that going back to work was not an option, for now anyway, I became much more focused on my writing. I self published NOBODY TOLD ME and it is has done very well. So the year was to end on a high, I hoped. I also contacted a publisher who deals with legal kind of stories and he is very keen to publish THE FACE . So things were looking up.
So,to the ‘now’ and to the Beginning. It is almost the end of the year, a horrid year but one that has made me so much more determined to do what I have to do and what I hope I am good at….write. This means finish THE FACE BEHIND THE SCREEN but I am not sure where the ending will be ,. At first it was to be when she sent me a short video clip that scared the life out of me. But things didn’t end there. They have continued and for a long while. None of this helped me recover and get back to being the strong person I had become. I knew the only cathartic thing for me to do was to write. One of my kind readers took things into her own hands and has stopped this horrid young woman from telling her lies on her blog and on Twitter. I don’t care what is said about me as long as it is the truth. I have lived my life in honesty and truth and feel I deserve this from others. I now know that it doesn’t always follow.
I have many social media friends and many who have supported me in the past few years. I have tried in my small way to help and support anyone I can and will continue to do so.
NOBODY TOLD ME IS doing well, has 14 five star reviews. I DID TELL I DID has 4 new five star reviews so I am very grateful to all those who have read my books and taken the trouble to write a review. I thank everyone who has supported me in the case I have referred to above.
So now at the end of the year, a bad year that ended better than I thought it would, I have made a few resolutions.
One. To finish THE FACE BEHIND THE SCREEN and have it published.
Two. To be more ‘present’ for those around me who love me.
Three. Let my readers and social media know that I am here for them always.
Four. To put the ‘nasty’ where she belongs, nowhere in my life.
Five. To find and take care of ‘Little Cassie’ and let the world see who she has really become. The strong caring person who wrote her story to help and inspire readers. Find her, nourish her and be proud of what she has achieved. Not to be conceited but to help her recover from something that she became involved in to do one thing, help another victim.
To all my loyal readers and friends, I hope 2015 brings you love, happiness and peace. x
So for me, good bye to 2012 and 2013,I will treasure the good bits and save the memories that were filled with love, the ‘dream that never was’.And to the rest…..
In a few days time, with Lucy and Daniel, in her little cottage we will say Hello to 2015 and know that whatever it throws at us, we will survive. After all, I did didn’t I. xx