The Truth in my Words.

All of my life I have written. As a child, it was poetry, those of you who have read my autobiography, know that I wrote poems to give to my mother, hoping to have her love me. At school I wrote essays that won a competition and as I grew older, I would write to escape what was happening in my life. Looking back, some of the poems written in early adult hood were very dark. I believe that writing is a way of laying ghosts, making sense of things, escaping from reality. Those are my reasons anyway.

In my early thirties, when the medication prescribed by GP’s were taking their toll, I wanted to write my life-story in respect of how these drugs affected me and my life. I was going to call it LOST. But life got in the way and it never happened. While working with Peter, I almost  did it with his support. But once again, life got in the way.

When I retrained as a Psychotherapist, I wrote everything down to help myself process the horrors of my childhood. A kind of personal therapy. I wrote this as a child called Sophie, in Sophie’s Story but it didn’t seem to help. Then I wrote it again as myself and it became I DID TELL I DID.I spent many many nights, in my study when the family were asleep, with only by loyal black cat for company. I couldn’t revisit the nasties of the abuse,that came from back then, my early years, with any one else awake in the house. It was almost as though I had to collude with my abusers to be able to stay with it and tell it as it was. It was an exceptionally  difficult time but well worth it, from the letters etc I have from readers.

I had friends who write and treck their stories around hundreds of publishers, I didn’t feel I could do that, so I sent it straight to Harper Collins, being the biggest publisher of my genre in the UK. The chief editor of HC. rang me the day my manuscript arrived on her desk. They signed me up and within a week of publishing I DID TELL was No. One.! No one was more amazed than me. The rest is history.

This story focused on the sexual abuse I suffered and the mental cruelty at the hands of my mother. It shows how lonely my life was although in a family of four siblings. It tells of other heartaches throughout my life. I have thousand of letters, emails and messages all positive re my story and I like to think that it has helped many in the same situation.

One of the things the book touched on but didn’t focus on was the 25 year dependency on tranqulisers and anti anxiety medication. Many readers asked about this. Others asked why the abuse was able to continue into my adulthood. I felt I should explain this side of the story and so I have now written NOBODY TOLD ME to hopefully explain this. This is the same story, the same timeline but taken from a different perspective. I hope when it comes out in a couple of weeks, readers who have read my first book, will now understand me much better. I also hope it finds a whole new group of readers, people who are on this medication and have the same recurring issues that I had. Reading my story might make them feel less alone in this. Or maybe relatives of those dependent on prescribed medication to hopefully help them understand those affected. It touches on depressions and anxiety, two serious mental illnesses that are often not treated as such. Again, it is a true account, I tell it is it is.

 I began my author life under the name of Cassie Harte, even though I wanted to name and shame, I wasn’t allowed to be known by my real name, for legal reasons. I only intended to write the one book in the beginning, but have now written two and my third ‘HELLO JACK’ is ongoing, it seems to have taken over my life! . All of my books have a message, a message of hope, comfort and hopefully inspiration. I came though the horrors of my early life, I write to encourage others that they can do the same. So I have a reason for everything I write and whilst doing this, I have achieved a better place for ‘Little Cassie’ and the Cassie who is me today. I use this blog to promote my work as all authors  do. This is an opportunity to reach people we can’t reach in any other way. To share our experiences and give readers hope.

 I never envisaged writing a book that came from something negative after telling my life-story. But I am. THE FACE BEHIND THE SCREEN is on it’s way. Again, a book with a mission. A story with a message but this time, not of hope or inspiration but warning. Not the kind of book I would ever envisaged having to write. For those new to my bog and in fear of repeating myself., two years ago, I had never heard of someone called Jade Louise Wood. I now wish I never had. This book is a warning to everyone, to be careful, to be vigilant. If someone writes to you, as she did to me and asks for help because they are suffering sexual abuse, my advice is to signpost them in the right direction. The police, a school teacher, a priest or family member etc. Allow them to write to you until this is done and then let the matter drop. Do all you can to make that person gain the help and safety they need but DON’T BECOME entrenched in their life or their story. Yes, in most cases they are possibly telling the truth so once you know they are safe, look after yourself and cease contact. People like the wicked young woman involved, can be very clever and if you are trusting as I was, you can easily be taken in. Don’t let that happen. Any serious worries, call the authorities and let them deal with it. So my third book is the story of a wasted horrendous 6 months and 7000 emails that wrecked my health, destroyed my family life and left me reeling. Yes, this book will be a warning, when the time comes, please read it.

The first chapters of NOBODY TOLD ME and THE FACE BEHIND THE SCREEN , (using her real name as the justice system allowed this because of her guilt)and a  bit of my first book are all my website:

So writing for me is yes, cathartic and does allow me to process my thoughts and happenings in my life. It is also about laying ghosts and I think I have successfully done both in my first two books. In 2012 when the subject of my third book wrote asking for help, that is what I thought I was doing. In reality, her ‘story’ left me having flashbacks of my own abuse, day -mares of being harmed and nightmares of my own losses and terror experienced in early life. All of this because of this evil young woman. Whilst writing the Face Behind The Screen, this is still happening. I still wake suddenly thinking I can hear someone outside, still see my baby son, lost to me and have a fear deep inside that something dreadful is about to happen; as I had had for the 6  months of horror she inflicted on me. Hopefully, when the book is done, I will see it for what it is and the ghosts will be well and truly laid. Only then will my life be back on track.

Thank you for reading this. x


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